A Long Way Down
by littlelover95
Summary: What if Manny got raped at the snowboarding party instead of Darcy? How would she handle it?
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

I stood in front of the door to the gym, drumming my fingers on my bag. I could hear the screams and cheers coming from the gym, the sound of feet hitting the floor and pom-poms rustling. I closed my eyes and could suddenly hear music pumping, the sound of people grinding their bodies together. The sound of his breath in my ear.

"You know you're supposed to open doors, right?" I heard a voice call. "Even the great Manny Santos can't open a door with her mind. Sorry, I guess you're out of luck."

I turned around to see a new girl at Degrassi, Holly P or something. "You're late." I called out in a shaky voice.

She smirked out me. "Earlier then you." She said, and then breezed past, opening the door to the gym.

I took a deep breath and followed her into the gym. I saw the members of the Spirit Squad spread out around the gym, stretching and practicing the routine. Darcy was making rounds, stopping every so often to correct someone. When she saw me, she broke into a huge grin.

"Manny!" She cried, running over to me. "Oh my gosh, the weekend was SO fun! You were so right about going up there Manny, Peter and I had a blast."

"That's great." I said weekly.

"We didn't see you on the last bus though. Peter thought you were hanging out with that guy, the one we met on the slopes."

"The slopes?" I asked dumbly.

"Yeah, that guy you were dancing with. Sam maybe? The one with the curly hair."

I saw his face in my mind now, his startling green eyes, his curly dark hair. I wanted to throw up. "Yeah." I said. "Sam."

Darcy beamed. "What, were you guys dancing all night? I'm SO glad you found someone Manny. I felt so bad about ditching you for Peter. So what WERE you guys doing?"

I was silent, and stared at the floor. Dancing all night. It sounded romantic, something out of a movie. She imagined herself, in a pretty pink dress, being swept away by her knight in shining armor. But when she saw his eyes, they were startling green, a single dark curl hanging on his forehead. She grimaced and pushed the image from her mind.

Darcy saw her expression. "Wait." She said. "You guys didn't…" She broke off, staring at me. "Oh my god. You did! Manny! You hardly even knew him!"

I shrugged. "I was drunk." I said.

Darcy's eyes widened. "Was it… you know. Consensual?"

I wanted to tell her. I truly did. But I just bit my tongue and forced out a smile. "Of course." I said forcefully, trying to convince myself as much, if not more than her. "Of course."

*******

I sat in the media center, pretending to listen to Mr. Simpson, and pretending not to hear Emma hissing my name from the seat next to me. She started tapping me on the shoulder, and her hisses turned into loud whispers. Finally, I turned to look at her.

"Where were you this morning?" She demanded. "You weren't answering your phone."

I looked at her confused. "Why?" I asked.

"You were supposed to come over early this morning, and help me make breakfast for my mom?"

"You're mom?"

"Yeah, because she's sick with the flu. Remember? I told you about it on Friday, and you told me you would come help out."

I remembered Emma telling me that during chem., and felt awful. "Sorry, I had spirit squad practice early this morning, and I totally spaced on calling you."

Emma nodded distractedly, before turning to face the front. She bit her lip, and then turned back around. "I called your house, Manny. When you didn't answer your phone this morning."

I turned to stare at her, my stomach dropping. "You called _my house?"_

Emma nodded. "Yeah. Your mom said she didn't know where you were, and started asking me about my weekend, what we did together. I thought she was confused, so I said 'Ms. Santos, Manny wasn't over this weekend.' And she said…"

My mouth dropped open. "You said WHAT?!"

At that moment, Mr. Simpson turned around and glared at me. "Manny." He said. "Shh."

Emma waited till her turned back to the board, and then looked at me. "I didn't realize that I was your cover story Manny. You never told me."

"Oh my god." I said. "My parents are going to kill me."

Emma ignored me. "What were you doing this weekend?"

In my mind's eye, I saw a crowded room, with bodies pressing against bodies. I felt hands around my waist, someone's mouth tickling my ear.

I shook my head and wiped the image away. "Nothing. Just, uh, I went snowboarding. With Darcy."

Emma noticed my expression and raised her eyebrows. "Did something, like, happen? While you were there? Are you okay?

I stared at Emma. Again, I felt the urge to talk, to explain. But I bit my tongue and shook my head. "I'm fine Emma." I said, with such verve that I almost believed it.

"Are you sure? Because if you like, wanted to talk, you know I'm…"

"I said, I'm FINE! God, nosy much? Just mind your own business for once, please."

Emma looked at me for a minute. "Okay." She said finally. "Sorry."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

My parents were waiting for me when I got home. The both sat at the kitchen table, watching the door. As soon as I stepped in, my father stood up.

"Manuela." He said. "Your mother talked to Emma today."

I stared at him, all my thoughts jumbled into a massive confusion. I didn't have time for this. "So?" I spat.

"So we found out that you weren't there this weekend." He said.

I rolled my eyes. "Okay." I said. "What do you want from me? A medal? Good for you guys, you give Sherlock Holmes a run for his money. Can I go now?" I knew I was being cruel and stupid, but I didn't care.

"Manuela." My father said sharply. "Where were you? Why did you lie?"

I stared at them, debating whether or not to tell the truth. "I went snow-boarding." I finally admitted. "I didn't tell you because I knew you'd just be un-cool about it. It's not that big of a deal."

I wasn't thinking clearly, and had made a wrong mood. My father _hated _being disrespected. "It's not that big of a deal?!" He yelled, ignoring my mother's protests. "You lied to us Manuela. You can't be trusted. Why do you do these things? First with your acting career, now this. You are turning out to be a failure of a daughter."

"Joseph!" My mom yelled. I just stared at him, shocked, my eyes filling with tears. My dad and I had had our differences, but he had _never _said something like this to me. He had called me names, he had kicked me out, but he had never told him that I had failed my parents. That I had failed him.

It was that final straw. I had too much going on, too much to think about. I didn't need this. I quickly wiped away my tears and turned to my room. I grabbed a bag and stuffed some clothes in it, without looking to see what they were. "What are you doing?" My mother asked desperately.

"I need a break." I mumbled.

"Manuela, don't, please, not again…"

"Let her go." My father said harshly, and I brushed past him to the door. I opened it and tossed my bag outside, and then turned to face my father.

"Maybe." I said. "It's not my fault. Maybe you're just a failure of a parent."

******

When Emma opened the door, she took one look at my tear stained face and the bag in my hands and she knew. "Oh my god." She said. "Manny, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize they'd kick you out again. I should have…"

"It's okay Em." I said softly. "I left. I couldn't put up with anymore of the BS. I needed a break."

Emma nodded. "Come on in." She said. "I'll go talk to my parents."

I smiled and walked into her house. In some ways, this place felt more like home then my parent's apartment. I knew the way, and walked downstairs to the basement, dumping my bags on Emma's bed. I sat down and sighed. How had this happened to me? How could one weekend away change everything so completely?

Just then, my phone rang. I walked over to the bed and grabbed my phone from the bed and glanced at the screen, and my heart all but stopped.

There he was, the same boy from my nightmares. With the curly brown hair, the deep green eyes. He was all dressed up in a puffy coat, gloves, and hat, and was sitting in the snow sticking his tongue out. I remember taking that picture, pushing him down in the snow and grabbing my phone from my pocket, screaming "Smile!"

"Not a chance." He had said, sticking his tongue out at me.

I dropped the phone with a small scream, and it fell on the ground, bouncing on the carpet. I stared at it lying there, too afraid to touch it. Why was he calling me? What gave him the right?

"Manny?" A soft voice said. I looked up to see Emma on the stairs. "Are you okay?"

I wanted to reassure her, to change the subject, but my brain wasn't functioning right. I couldn't make my mouth form the words I wanted it too.

Emma walked over to me, and picked up my phone from the floor. She looked at the screen, and then handed me the phone.

"Who's Sam?" She asked.

At the mention of his name, I snapped back into myself. "What?" I said. "Oh, no one. Just this guy."

Emma looked at me. "It sure didn't seem like he was just a guy. What happened Manny? Did you meet him this weekend?"

I realized that Emma was never going to leave me alone about this until I gave her an answer. I sat down on the bed, and put on a sad face. "Look." I said. "The truth is, I met Sam this weekend. While snowboarding."

Emma sat down next to me, and smiled sympathetically. "Uh huh." She said.

"I thought we had a real connection, but then it turned out all he wanted to do was hook up. It really hurt, and I just don't want to deal with him." I lied.

Emma nodded. "I understand." She said, giving me a hug. "Why didn't you just tell me? We never have to talk about him again. Sam who?"

I smiled. "Thanks, Em. You're the best."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I was in a crowded room, and bodies swirled around me. People started pulling at my hands and hair, pulling me in all different directions. Just when I thought I was going to burst, an arm closed around me and pulled me to safety.

"Thanks." I said breathlessly, turning to face the person. That's when I saw his face. He smiled hugely, and brushed his curly hair from in front of his eyes. I tried to run, but he grabbed my arm and held on. I screamed for help, but no one was listening. I yelled and yelled as he tightened his grip and started to drag me away…

I sat up suddenly in bed, and looked around. There was Emma's room, as familiar to me as my own. There was Emma, sleeping peacefully next to me. I sighed and lay back down.

It had been two weeks since I had moved into Emma's house, and I was trying to put everything behind me and move on. I told myself again and again that what had happened was just a dream, a horrible nightmare, even though deep down I knew that wasn't true.

I closed my eyes again, and tried to slip back into a peaceful sleep. I hadn't slept well since that night, and my exhaustion was starting to show. After trying to force myself to relax for another thirty minutes, Emma's alarm clock started beeping. I groaned and sat up in bed. It was going to be a long day.

****

I felt like I was a ghost of my past self. Every day at school I would go through the motions, pretend to be excited, pretend to laugh, pretend to be happy. But on the inside, I felt empty. Like someone had carved part of myself out, and left me stranded, grappling to find the part of myself that I had lost.

School was the worst part. When I was home with Emma, I could pass off my slowly deteriorating mental state as being tired or stressed out. At school, I needed to constantly force myself to put on a smile, to act energetic, to have fun. And in class, I had to force myself to stay focused on my work, to not let my mind stray. Because whenever I did, his face would be all I could see.

For these reasons, I found myself walking outside of the Degrassi, instead of listening to Ms. Quan talk about whatever it is we were reading in English. I didn't know where I was supposed to go, or what I was supposed to do, but as long as I didn't have to be in school, I didn't care.

I walked along the sidewalk, until I spotted an alleyway with a couple of kids from school. As I got closer, I noticed Johnny DeMarco leaning against the wall, smoking weed. I knew I should keep going, maybe go hide out in the Dot, but instead I walked over to Johnny and sat down a couple feet away from him. He glanced at me and raised his eyebrows.

"Ms. Manny Santos." He said, smirking at me. "What are you doing here? Should you be in school, waving some pom poms?"

He turned away, but I continued to stare at him. At that moment, I envied him, envied his ability to escape from his problems. Until I realized that I could do the same thing.

"Hey." I said. He glanced at me, his eyes curious. "Can I have some of that?"

Johnny stared at me in disbelief. "You want to share my joint?" He asked, incredulously. "Uh, sure, I guess." He handed the thing to me, looking slightly amused.

I stared at it, before bringing it to my lips and inhaling deeply. I felt like my mouth was on fire, and I started coughing hard. My eyes watered, and when I finally stopped coughing, I noticed Johnny and his friends were laughing at me.

"First time?" He asked, amused. I nodded. "You won't get high your first time." He said, shaking his head. He reached out his hand to collect his joint, but I held it away from him.

"You sure I can't get high?" I asked, bringing the joint to my lips again. I tried to hold the smoke in as long as I could before I had to cough it up.

Johnny shrugged. "Maybe if you're really lucky. I only got high my third."

I sighed. I had never in my life been really lucky. But whatever. Practice makes perfect, right? I repeated that mantra in my head as I brought the joint to my lips for a third time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

I woke up with a massive head ache, totally confused. What was going on? Why was my mouth so dry? Why did I feel so nauseous? Then it all came back. I groaned, throwing a pillow over my head.

I knew while I was doing it that I was getting a little bit carried away. I mean, a nightly ravine outing was nothing out of the ordinary- I'd been going for the past two weeks. But last night, I had opted out of smoking weed. The more I did it, the less it helped me forget. So instead, I went straight for the tequila.

I remembered the striptease vaguely. And I sort of remember hooking up with someone, though the person's gender is slightly unclear. Blonde hair, blue eyes. Or were the brown? There wasn't a girl like that, was there? Maybe it was Johnny.

Sick of thinking about it, I decided to put the whole night in my 'do not touch' drawer that was becoming more and more full. I sat up slowly, my head swimming. Only then did I notice Emma, sitting on a chair across from the bed. My eyes locked on the silver phone in her hand. My phone.

"Emma." I said in as steady a voice as I could manage. "Why do you have my phone?"

"Manny." Emma said, sounding a lot more serious then I could manage. "Look. I think you need help."

"Why do you have my phone?" I repeated.

"I know what you've been doing Manny." Emma said, purposely ignoring me. "After you think I've fallen asleep? I know that you've been sneaking down to the ravine. And I see you in the hallways with Johnny and his friends. I know you've been doing pot, and drinking. This needs to stop."

"_Why do you have my phone, Emma?"_ I said again, my voice starting to rise.

Emma sighed. "I noticed that it's been ringing all the time, and that you've been ignoring it. I thought…"

"Emma." I said, trying as hard as I could to keep my voice calm. "What did you do?"

"I… I listened to your messages. Sam's left seven, Manny. He's generally worried about you, and he wants…"

"You _what?!_" I screamed. I jumped out of bed, causing my head to pound. I ignored it. "You nosy little shit! How is it _any _of your business…"

"I was scared, Manny!" Emma said, her voice rising. "I _know _you didn't tell me the full story about Sam. I'm really worried about you Manny, and I just want to know what's going on!"

I was so mad that I was shaking. I marched over to her and grabbed my phone out of her hands. I stared down at her for a second, before slapping her across the face. "Stay out of my life." I hissed, and then marched over to the window and let myself out.

Once I was outside, I stumbled onto the sidewalk. I didn't know where to go, who to turn to. Finally, I opened my cell phone, which I had clutched in my hand, and dialed Darcy's number. She wasn't much, but she was all I had.

"Hello?" She finally answered, after and endless round of ringing.

"Darcy? Hi. It's Manny. You wanna meet me? At the Dot maybe?"

"Oh, uh, sure! Yeah, that'd be fun! I'll be there in ten." There was a click, and then there was silence.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

I walked into the Dot to find Darcy sitting by herself, nursing a milkshake and reading the newspaper. She looked up when she heard the door and smiled at me. I made my way over to her table, and tried my best to smile back at her. Darcy's brow furrowed with concern.

"Manny, have you been crying?" She asked. "You're eyes are all red. Are you okay?"

I sighed, and thought quickly. "I'm fine." I lied. "It's just that…. Emma. She's been judging me about the whole Sam thing, you know? Like I don't feel bad enough already."

Darcy nodded. "It's not her place to judge you." She affirmed. "But that being said, there are some things that you need to understand. I feel like you sort of take sex for granted." I opened my mouth to interrupt, but was silenced by Darcy's stare. "It's not necessarily your fault Manny. You don't know any better. But sex is a sacred thing, and I don't think you should just be giving it away to people you don't love."

I rolled my eyes. "I was _drunk_, Darcy." I reminded her.

Darcy sighed. "That's another thing." She said. "I really wish you'd be more careful. It makes me worried, Manny. When you're drunk… when you're not in control of yourself… bad things can happen. Look." Darcy slides the paper towards me. "This article has got me really freaked. Apparently there's like some roofie rapist that they just caught who scaled lodges around this area, slipping drugs into random girls drinks. And he was apparently _at the lodge when we were._ Do you understand that that could have been you Manny? That if you hadn't been with Sam, that guy could have done it to you too?"

I looked down at the article, and saw a picture of a scruffy guy glaring at the camera. I had a flash of leather touching my skin, of a bad smell. Of hands, much too large, touching my body. Of a leering smile, of a voice way, way too deep. The article swam in front of my eyes, and I pushed myself back from the table, still clutching the paper in my hands.

"That's… that's awful." I said, my voice sounding weird to my own ears. "I'm sorry Darcy, but I think I need to go." Before she could say anything, I was out of my seat and running out the door.

****

I pretty much barreled through the window to the basement, causing Emma to nearly jump out of her skin. "What are you doing here?" She asked, sounding a little bit pissed.

I ignored her, throwing the article to the floor and taking my phone out of my pocket and searching through my contacts. Finally, I found the number I wanted. He picked up before the first ring even finished.

"Manny!" Sam cried, sounding very excited. "You called! God, I thought you'd never…"

"Sam." I said, and his sentence came to a halt. "Stop."

"Stop what?" He asked. "Stop calling? I'm sorry, Manny, but I've just been really worried…"

"Sam." I said, interrupting him again. "Stop pretending. I know what you did."

Emma, obviously confused, got up from her seat and slowly moved to pick up the article I had dropped. She skimmed the first page and then looked at me, her eyes wide. "Wait." Sam said. "What do you mean?"

"I know what you did to me, Sam." I said, trying to keep myself calm. "I've known all along, and I…"

"Manny, what are you talking about?" Sam asked, sounding generally confused. "I never…"

"_STOP LYING!_" I screamed into the phone. "I_ know _what you did to me that night at the lodge; stop lying to me, you need to stop lying! Please Sam…"

"Manny, I honestly have no idea what you're talking about. That night at the lodge you had too much to drink and passed out on the couch, and I went to find Darcy to take you back with her…"

"Stop." I said, my voice shaking.

"But she wasn't anywhere, and I came back to find you…"

"Stop. Please stop." I whispered.

"And you weren't there anymore. And someone they'd seen you leaving with some older guy, and I've been worried. That's why I kept calling…"

I didn't hear the rest of what he had to say, because I'd dropped my phone. My legs seemed to give out and I slumped to the floor. I heard Emma calling my name, asking if I was okay, but I couldn't form the words. I felt her grab my face, and she forced me to look at her.

"Manny." She said, her voice shaking violently. "What's going on?"

"I wanted it to be him, Emma." I whispered. "I needed it to be him."

Emma nodded. "I'm sorry, Manny." She said, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm so, so sorry."

And suddenly it all came crashing down on me, like a hundred ton weight had just crushed me to the floor. I curled up into a ball and started to sob. Emma pulled me into her, and there we sat for what seemed like an eternity, our tears soaking through her carpet.


End file.
